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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161023">i'm not happy to be here, but i'm happy i met you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/leenaalemon/pseuds/leenaalemon'>leenaalemon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Canada's Drag Race RPF, RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, but like these are both implied as a future thing? does that make sense? probably not, i used mom instead of mum it was weird, jan and jackie are lemon's mothers, julia is juice, lemonjuice isn't really here but like lemon wants it to be?, lila is lemon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:02:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,650</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/leenaalemon/pseuds/leenaalemon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically just how Lemon and Juice met and then like a time skip i guess?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jackie Cox/Jan Sport, Juice Boxx/Lemon (Drag Race)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm not happy to be here, but i'm happy i met you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! i don’t know where this idea came from. i know it isn’t great and i am sure it is full of any kind of error you can think so i’m sorry about that. regardless, i hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bitter. That's probably the most appropriate way to describe Lila. She was bitter about the fact that her mother's work made their small family move to Canada. She was bitter that she had to leave her best friends. Most of all, she was bitter that she would have to start from the beginning after Christmas break. In her opinion, she had every right to be bitter; she gave up everything while her mother gave up nothing. Her mother could keep her girlfriend, and she already had friends in Canada. She supposed being bitter was okay: it did fit the nickname everybody gave her back home: Lemon.</p><p>The story behind why she had the nickname 'lemon' wasn't an interesting one as much as it was an odd one. When the girl was merely a toddler, Jan and Jackie had taken her shopping one afternoon. Jan had placed Lila into the seat of the cart, buckling her in before they walked through the entrance. The three of them were making their way around the store, stopping to grab the necessary items. The fresh produce isle was always the girl's favourite. The bright colours and shape variants were enough to entice her, momentarily distracting her from the cold she felt within the cart. She wishes she was at home in her room, snuggled in blankets with her many stuffed animals. Longing for something to hold, Lila grabbed the first thing that looked appealing: a lemon. Jan and Jackie would be lying if they said that the sight of the sleepy child holding a lemon in a vice-like grip wasn't amusing. But laughing could be saved until they got home. She carried the lemon around the entire store, even to the check-out. Jan begged for her to let it go but she persisted, a frown forming on her face as her lower lip quivered. Luckily for everyone within earshot of the child, the store assistant was still able to scan the yellow fruit. And from that point on, it became a little joke between them that then extended to family and friends.</p><p>At age five, she was starting school. A few months earlier, she had started school officially for the first time but that was back in New York. Now she was going to be the new kid all over again, and she hated it. She had never missed her friends from back home as much as she had that morning. Lila missed playing Barbies with Nicky and Gigi; and painting with Rock and Crystal before naptime. She knew it was her immense fear of missing out and that it wasn't that big of a deal but she couldn't help but feel sad.</p><p>Jan helped dress her that morning, the young girl decided that yellow had to be the colour she wore that day. Fifteen minutes later, Lila was now sitting at the kitchen table with Jackie as her mother got ready for the day.<br/>
"Are you excited?" the Persian woman asked, it shouldn't have been awkward, but it was and neither knew why. They had known each other since Lila was a few months old after all. Lila hummed, nervously playing with the sleeve of her t-shirt.</p><p>"I don't want to go," she admitted after a moment's silence. Jackie looked up from her cereal, gesturing for the blonde girl to continue.</p><p>"What if they don't like me? What if mommy forgets to pick me up?" she rambled, growing more worried.</p><p>" They'll love you. They'd be silly not to" Jackie reassured the girl,"- your mommy won't forget you. I won't let her, little Lem."</p><p> </p><p>To say Lila over-reacted about how school would be was an understatement. The teacher and class were lovely and made her feel welcome which she appreciated. Yes, she still felt like an outcast but that didn’t stop her trying to make friends. But her attention always seemed to drift to a small girl with dark hair. She didn't dare speak to the girl, oddly intimidated by the soft smile and freckles that blessed her face.</p><p>When Miss Hytes called them all over for storytime, Lila was ecstatic. She wandered over to where there was an array of cookies and juice boxes, taking her time to choose. "The apple juice tastes funny. Try orange or berry," a voice next to her advised. </p><p>She looked up and saw the brunette from earlier, a grateful smile appearing on her face as she picked the berry one. "Thanks"</p><p>Berry juice box and chocolate chip cookie in hand, Lila followed behind the rest of her classmates, heading towards the floor cushions. As everybody took a seat, the blonde was left unsure of where to go. On one hand she could sit next to Kyne (a girl she had been practising numbers with) or she could sit with Julia (the girl with the pretty smile). Her mind felt like it was going into overdrive; she had never felt such an immense amount of pressure. However, the decision became much easier when she saw that the cushion next to Julia was yellow.</p><p>Story time was an exciting experience. Lila felt like she was on a rollercoaster: thrill and excitement bubbling in her chest as Miss Hytes did the different voices for the characters in the gruffalo, Julia holding onto her in places that she found frightening. Lila didn’t find it frightening, however, she was used to the dramatic readings that her mother would rope Jackie into doing some nights at bedtime. They were told another story (room on the broom) before settling off to do other things.</p><p>At the end of the day, Jan and Jackie were standing waiting for her, bright smiles on their faces as they could see her talking with Julia through the window. Once the class was dismissed, Lila took Julia by the hand and led her over to her parents. “Mommy, Jackie this is Juice,” she confidently introduced, “she’s my best friend!” Jan looked at her daughter with an eyebrow raised, overly confused as to why Lila had called her Juice. That couldn’t be the girl’s name right?</p><p>Lila would definitely get teased about this on the car ride home.</p><p> </p><p>Funnily, Juice stuck as a nickname from Lila. All the way through to their teen years, confusing the members of their classes. Some of their friends picked it up over the years; just like the way Lila gets called Lemon. The two girls were inseparable, only really apart when in some of their classes. But slowly their group of two became a group of four through the addition of Scarlett and Priyanka. They met while at a bowling alley; Lila’s mother had misread while ordering online and booked for four people. And just like fate, they had met the two girls at the door, Lila quickly offering for the two of them to come play. Of course they accepted, what kind of person turns down free bowling? The four of them kept in contact after this, realising that Scarlett and Priyanka attended the same school as them.</p><p>On a random day in November, when Julia was busy with college applications, Lila lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, constantly checking her phone to see if her best friend had tried to contact her. But the brunette was busy so the blonde’s notifications remained bare. Was she disappointed? Yes but that was just something she would have to live with. Why did she miss her so much? It had only been a day.</p><p>After wallowing in her confusing feelings for a while, she decided she had to do something, anything. She left the confinements of her bedroom and wandered down the stairs, seeing Jackie sitting at the kitchen island typing away on her laptop. </p><p>“Hey Lem, you okay?” she asked as she saw the girl slowly approaching her. What was she supposed to say to that? Was it so obvious that she was rethinking all the decisions she had made in her life? Could Jackie really see straight through her? At her silence, Jackie stopped her work and spoke again,“ do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”</p><p> The younger girl hesitated before sitting next to her; words spilling faster than her brain could register. She told her all about how she felt lost without Julia and how she felt different with her than she did with anybody else. Only realising afterwards that this is her step-mother and she probably (definitely) will tell Jan about this. Lila really didn’t want Jan to know. Curse her ability to open up to anyone willing to listen. </p><p>“Have you told your mom?” Jackie asked her after she had finished, rubbing her back supportively as Lila quickly shook her head, “why not?”</p><p>“You’ve met her. She gets too invested in everything. If I told her, I can guarantee that by the end of the night everybody would know. I love her but that’s kind of the complete opposite of what I want right now,” she sighed, putting her head in her hands. She wanted nothing more for the feelings of uncertainty and adoration to disappear or become something that didn’t make her feel sick to think about. Because what if she told Julia and she didn’t feel the same; or what if everybody knows and is making fun of her for it? Lila hated her brain for thinking of every possible bad scenario.</p><p>After a little bit of convincing and reassurance from Jackie, evaluating the pros and cons to telling her, she decided she had to do something. That’s one of the reasons she liked going to Jackie with things, she always had a logical approach to things in comparison to her mother’s spontaneity. </p><p>“Good luck,” Jackie said quietly as she held her hands in her own as she heard the door to the house open. Lila muttered a quick thanks alongside a nervous smile before she left the kitchen, heading to her room after saying a greeting to Jan.</p><p>“Hey Lembobs!” Julia said cheerfully later that night while they called each other on facetime. </p><p>“Hi Juicy,” Lila responded, trying to match Julia’s enthusiasm but failing miserably which was obviously picked up by the other girl.</p><p>They spoke for a little while about the little things that they missed throughout the day before Lila finally had the courage to try and say something about her feelings. </p><p>“Can I come see you?” Lila asked hopefully, now was the time. When Julia said yes, the blonde girl felt like the hard part was over when in reality it was just beginning.</p><p>On her way over there, thoughts pooled her mind like someone had forgot to turn off the tap. She just hoped that someone would turn it off before she decided to head back home. Because in the end, she didn’t really mind if Julia didn’t feel the same way. She was mostly just focused on what she would do without Julia. The two had been practically attached at the hip since they were children and this could destroy that.</p><p>The feelings remained with her until she got to the entrance to Julia’s street. But once she saw the girl standing in her front garden waiting for her, they all went away. How could this one girl cause her so much panic but the sight of her calm her down so quickly? That was one question she’d probably never get answered because ‘ love is complicated’ and Lila supposed she could be content with that as long as the only person making her feel that way was Julia.</p><p>Lila got out of her car, rushing to her best friend as she brought her arms around her. They held each other for longer than they usually would as if they were both trying to convey a message they had been holding in for a while. </p><p>“Do you ever get that feeling that something has been under your nose the entire time but you’ve been too preoccupied to see it?” Julia asked curiously as Lila looked at her with a raised eyebrow that somehow clearly mimicked the one that Jackie would give Jan when she did something questionable. “Like there’s someone right in front of you that you’re meant to be with but you just don’t realise it until it’s too late?”</p><p>“Yeah I think I know what you mean,” Lila admitted simply, a small smile on her face. It was now or never, “I think I feel like that all the time” </p><p>“Oh, really?” Julia asked, something about the way she said those words made Lila’s chest ache. Julia obviously thought she was talking about somebody who wasn’t her.</p><p>“Yeah when I’m with you dummy. You make me feel like I’m on the highest rollercoaster but I never want to get off. I feel nervous, excited and loved when I’m with you and I don’t know what I’d do if you told me to turn around and leave right now because I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” she confessed, her hands playing with the sleeves of her jacket. At Julia’s silence, Lila turned to leave, unable to handle the aftermath of the situation.</p><p>“Don’t go,” her voice broke, “please don’t leave.”</p><p>The blonde girl turned around quickly, rushing over to her friend, “hey, it’s okay, don’t cry. We can just pretend this whole thing never happened. I’m really good at pretending,” Lila smiled at her, wiping the tears that began to fall from Julia’s eyes.</p><p>“But what if I don’t want to pretend?” she asked in a small voice.<br/>
Lila moved to close the small amount of distance between them, looking for any signs of rejection or disapproval and when she didn’t find any, she kissed her. It was slow and new, but they couldn’t be happier.</p><p>“We don’t have to  pretend if you don’t want to.”</p><p> </p><p>As she hugged Jan and Jackie goodbye, she couldn’t help but wish she was younger again. Wanting to revel in the time where she could sit cross legged on an obnoxiously bright yellow mat while sipping from a juice box and enjoying a cookie without feeling too immature. But she just assumed that missing things was a part of growing up. Jan’s grip on her was tighter than a vice, and Lila really thought all of the air would be taken from her lungs in that moment. Thankfully it wasn’t.</p><p>She sat in the car looking over at her parents: Jan was crying, and Jackie was rubbing her wife’s back in an attempt to soothe her. It did not work at all. Lila blew them a kiss as she put the key in the ignition, Jan overdramatically catching it. A watery laugh escaped her throat and an unfamiliar feeling bubbled in her chest. In that moment she knew she was going to miss being there with them.</p><p>Carefully, she drove away from her home, making the last-minute decision to go and see Julia despite having just spent the night with her. Almost as if the smaller girl knew what she was thinking, a notification sounded from her phone, her name appearing over the screen.</p><p>Juice:🍪🧃?</p><p>As she pulled into the driveway, she could see her girlfriend sitting in the treehouse they played in as kids with a goofy smile on her face. She held up juice boxes and cookies that she probably baked like they did at sleepovers when they were younger.</p><p>They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, no words really needing to be exchanged between them as Julia lounged against Lila’s body with an arm wrapped around her. And in those moments, Lila realised that she wasn’t bitter about the move to Canada, instead she was bitter that she had realised she was in love with her best friend just before they were heading off to colleges that were miles away from one another.</p>
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